The Gauntlet of Girth

  The task is a simple one. I need a ski outfit so I can enjoy a little sledding with my preschool class.  There is only one problem with this situation. I am an large western male and I live in Japan.  There could not be a worse outcome to this problem.

   I approach the problem using the scientific method. The best place to buy a ski outfit would be at a place that sells ski gear. I know of a place in the Morioka Aeon shopping center that specializes in just that. They call themselves ”The Sports Authority.”  Yes, it’s an English name. How about them apples? I walk in confidently, sure in my belief that this problem will soon be solved.

     I head toward the ski section and start to browse through the clothing. There are some snow pants and coats labelled “LL.” I try them on. Obviously, when they say “LL” they meant “LOL” because there is no way in hell that size even comes close to fitting my body. The pants didn’t even come up to my thigh, and the coat barely went over my shoulders.  This is when it hit me. The Japanese are incredibly small people. I always thought they were smaller than westerners, but now I am seeing the cold hard truth of the matter.  

    After a few moments of frustration and shame, I pry off the coat and ask a store associate if they have anything larger. In his most polite Japanese, he explains to me that the largest size they carry is the ”LL” size. He then takes me over to the Burton snowboard area and suggests the “XL” size.  He reckons that since they are based in Europe, they should fit me better. He is partially right. I can get the coat on, but not enough that it zips up. I am actually glad it doesn’t fit as it’s a four hundred dollar jacket.  At this point I get fed up with the situation and politely excuse myself from the store. 

    I believe the sales person notices my frustration and,  as a final gesture of good will and diplomacy,  shows me another snow pants area in a more remote area of the store.  He says they have been known to carry a mythical “BLL” size pant.  He explains that they are an experimental size and have never been worn by a Japanese person before (something about them suffocating in them.) I begin to look for it and out of the corner of my eye, I see “BLL” on a pair of brown snowpants hidden in a pile of pants and coats.  I try them on and “BAM” I’ve just solved half my problems. I purchase the pants on the spot and make my way out the mall. Now all that remains is the jacket. I’d give my kingdom for a ski jacket that fits me.  In a future blog entry I will explain how(if at all) I solve this problem.