Archive for the 'Language' Category

Critical Bathroom Thinking in Japan

 If you are going to visit Japan as a tourist, or even consider living here, there are two really important Japanese characters you need to learn.  In Japan, unless you collect all your urine and feces for your own personal composting projects, you will need a use a washroom as some point. Many washrooms have flushes that are not your typical flush, but rather a button on the wall. To complicate this further,  many washrooms have a seperate button on the voice designed to page an attendant to help you, should you be old and unable to help yourself. Some washrooms have one, some have both. 

   Here is the important difference between those two buttons. The first is (流)。 It means “to flush.”  The other is (呼)。 It means “to call.” God help you, should you accidentally call out the attendant.

For those times

  I was at one of my elementary schools, having my self a nice little chat with one of the teachers.  She asked me if I had a problem with doing two classes on the 24th, instead of the one I was scheduled for.  I expressed that it wasn’t a problem at all. In fact it was a pleasure to enlighten and educate those sweet little faces.  She was very pleased with this and happy that I never had a problem with any requests.  I did mention that I would only have a problem if I were to be double booked.  She laughed and said, “その時のため、分身の術(sonotokinotame, bunjin no jutsu.)

Basically, in English it means “For those times, you’d need the special body splitting techinique(used by ninjas)” She was so shocked that I understood what she was talking about, she almost fell over.  I told her I learned it in a book.  I will never reveal the true source of my information.

Shitty Japanese animated show about pansy, teenage ninjas never make good reference material.

第37回八幡平市安代地区健康マラソン大会

  As you look at the title of this blog entry, I bet you are wondering if your encoding is setup correct. Don’t worry, it’s not you. This is the title of the event I signed up for today. It’s a 5km race in the town I work in. What makes this title truly awesome is its length. This can be intimidating to people who can’t read Japanese. Let me break it down for you. Most Japanese titles are made up of words that are smashed together into one large “super word.”

第37回 -37th Annual

八幡平市 - Hachimantai City

安代地区 - Ashiro Area.

健康 - Health

マラソン - Marathon

大会 - Meet

So if I were to attempt translating this into English, I would attempt saying:

“The 37th Annual Ashiro Good Health Marathon”, or something along those lines.  I have less than a month to train for this puppy. I’m boned.

Why I Hate Kanji

For those who aren’t already aware, Kanji is one of the three alphabets used here in Japan, along with hiragana ひらがな, and katakana カタカナ. Kanji are sometimes referred to as “Chinese Characters”, as they are borrowed straight out of written Chinese, though their pronunciation, and sometimes their meaning are very different.

So where do flowers = snow? Japan, that’s where.

Continue reading ‘Why I Hate Kanji’

Happy New Year!

  First of all, this isn’t an April Fool’s day joke.  This also isn’t a case of me tripping down the stairs and scrambling up my noggin balls. What I am writing about, however, is the start of the new fiscal year.  So today, let’s learn the difference between the regular and the fiscal years in Japan.

    The regular Japanese year begins on January 1st like it does in many countries.  The traditional way of marking a year in Japan is to first state the era. This is based on the named of the current reigning emperor. That would be ‘heisei’ or ‘平成’ in Kanji. I need to point out that this is the name the emperor will recieve after his death. It’s the name the marks his reign. One should never approach the emperor, and say, “Yo, my man, Heisei, what be happenin’?”  

       After this, we want to state how many years the emperor has been on the throne, and for those who aren’t counting, this is the 19th year of the emperor’s reign.  When you put them together you get ‘heisei 19′, or ‘平成19’. This is the way the date is stated on most important documents. You might know this year marker by its English name, ’2007′.  Eventually, the emperor will pass on, and the name will change. The number will reset back to 1. This is how this do it, baby. It’s not rocket science. It’s emperor science.

     Okay, so we know how the date is made, but how do we differentiate between the fiscal year and the regular year? This is actually quite simple. Just add a ‘do’ or ‘度’ to the year. therefore, ‘heisei 19′ becomes ‘heisei 19 do’, or ‘平成19度’. Now you won’t be a lamer in Japan. Your boss will probably still think you’re a English Monkey,  but you can now show them you’re an English Monkey who knows what year it is.

The Test From Hell!

When it comes to tests, I’ve pretty much seen it all. I have been through the labs and essays. I’ve survived four hours exams and thirty minute interviews. I even walked away with a University Degree at the simple cost of my soul. Yet no exam in the entire world has frustrated me more than the dreaded Japanese Proficiency Exam(日本語能力試験.) I just wrote the 2nd level test for the third time this past Sunday and I want to scream “bloody murder!” Now I’ll tell you why.

The first and foremost reason why I hate this exam is that it’s very difficult. It keeps getting more difficult every year you take it. Almost like a cold war between exam writers and participants. Every year, I approach the exam site with an arsenal of new grammer and vocabulary. Oh, but the test is ready for me. It constantly finds new ways to confuse the hell out of me and leave me bleeding on the floor. But that is only the worst part. I bet you didn’t know there were other nasty elements to this exam. .

Did you know that the exam only happens once a year? Yes, you have one shot to nail it or you’re screwed. But if that wasn’t bad enough, you also pay 5500 yen to take the damn thing. Oh, and guess what happens if you actually find a way to pass an exam. If you ant to receive the a diploma, you need to send them money for the diploma and the shipping cost. Yes, they are so cheap they won’t even send you a diploma with your results. Also, did want to see how you did on the exam. Too bad! You don’t get your results. You only know if you passed or failed. You can, however buy a copy of the answer for about 1200 yen at the bookstore.

So you can see, I am not a big fan of this exam. Lucky for me, the only reason I take it is to improve my Japanese. I’d be in real trouble if I needed it for a certification of something. To wrap this up, I’m going to go out and call JESS(the organization that administrates the exam) something they need to be called. You are TEST NAZIES. Stop being so damned cheap and extreme about this test! There, I feel much better now.

You’ve gotta know your Kanji

My copy of Zaidanhoujin Nippon Kanji Nouryoku Kentei Kounin: KanKen DS just came in from amazon. This isn’t much of a game, but rather a way to practice for those difficult Japanese Kanji tests. If you’ve read my blog, you’ll know that I’m an avid fan of Kanji and taking the exams. I’ll post up a review and let you know if this is going to be any help. At 3300yen it’s steal of a deal. It is supposed to drill me on the Kanji for whatever level I choose. I am currently at level 6 and I will start there. If you are keen on getting yourself a copy, they can be ordered from play-asia.

Yellow tells you it’s Kanji time.

Crazy Japanese Homonyms Article #1

Today I am beginning a series of articles that attack the wonderful world of Japanese homonyms. I won’t be speaking about the easy ones either. I’m going to focus on words that I come across in my everyday struggle at figuring out what the hell everyone is talking about. Shall we being?

The magical words for today are スウィミング(suuimingu) and 睡眠(suimin). Based on their morphologies and lengths, they may seem different, but I guarantee you will have a heck of a time sorting them out. The first word means “swimming”(As you have probably guessed). It’s a loan word from English. The second word means “Sleep.” You won’t find it spoken as much as the first, but there are cases when I have head either one or the other and have had a hard time figuring out what the heck someone is talking about. Are you going suimin in the pool, or is it time for suuimingu at the end of the day. Regardless of the context they are found in, these words cause me a great deal of agony. One of these days I might just be able to sort them out.

And before all of you Japanese experts start flaming me, I will clarify that 睡眠 is used mostly as a written word and you will usually hear 寝ましょう(nemashou) instead. However, since it serves as a good example, I’m going to use it anyways. So don’t waste your time.

This is yet another reason why context is so important when using Japanese. It is very difficult to guess what someone is talking about based on what little you may have heard. You almost need to understand the entire sentence to understand whether or not a word means one thing or the other. This makes spoken Japanese a lot more difficult than languages with fewer homonyms. Well, at least it does for me. I mean if you heard, “”睡眠しましょう””, what would you think? I’d grab my trunks at head for the pool. Everyone else would be off to bed. I’d be the only one in the pool. That’s actually rather depressing. I think I’m done with this for today.

I am not fluent in Japanese

I thought I was fluent in Japanese, I really did; but then this past Sunday I took the level two Japanese proficiency exam(日本能力試験2級) and have concluded that I know nothing at all. This was my second time taking this test and I thought I was ready for it, much in the same way the people who built the titanic thought it was ready for those icebergs. Yes, I feel like I crashed and sank, taking my Japanese dreams with me to a watery grave. I won’t actually know what I got on the test until February, but I suppose I don’t really care much anymore. Japan’s love of making impossible tests has left me a carved out husk of a man.

Don’t get me wrong here. I still enjoy studying Japanese and I still love living here, but I have no idea what I will need to do in order to pass this exam. It is divided into three souless and equally mind draining parts. It starts at 9:45am and doesn’t finish until you sceam “uncle”. Well actually it lasts until about 3pm. The first section is composed of Kanji and word questions. It wasn’t so bad. It actually left me feeling like I might have had a chance. The second section however, left me in a Jello like state on the exam floor. It was the listening comprehension section and it showed me no mercy. Then came the third section, I’d rather not discuss this section. I wouldn’t wish that upon my worst enemies. Yes, it was that traumatic.

What advise would I have to those who are thinking of taking this monstrosity? I would suggest they they start reading Japanese Newspapers now. In my opinion, that is the only way they are going to get through that reading section without feeling like a 20 year held back in preschool for 15 years…>.

意思疎通

今日、同僚から役に立つ単語を習いました。 新しい言語を勉強している時に、自分の気持ちを表現しにくいです。また、すべての人から理解されるのは容易で はありません。お互いはっきりに理解できれば、(意思疎通)といいます。つまり、お互いに深い理解があります。私はいつも(連絡)という単語を用いる戸思 いました。 しかし、その単語が(伝える)という意味です。 恥ずかしいです。

Today I learned a fairly useful word from a co-worker of mine. Whenever you are learning a new language, it’s often difficult to express oneself. It’s also difficult to understand the gist of what anyone is saying. When you can understand each other, you say that you have 意思疎通(ishisotsuu). In other words, you now have a deep understanding of what the other person is saying. I always thought you used the word 連絡(renraku) to show communication and understanding, but that’s what you use when you convey a message. How embarrassing.