Launching Over Japan

As a foreigner living in Japan, one of my unfortunate plights is that before I came, I was inoculated against the Yellow Fever. No, not the real disease that will destroy your liver and kidneys, I’m talking about the Yellow Fever that drives you mad with attraction to Asian women (or men) simply due to their exotic nature. Yes, for some reason, I have no natural attraction to Asian women, and never have. This gave me a bit of a hard time during my initial run up to coming to Japan, as every uncouth male around me was mentioning how lucky I was going to be, surrounded by all the Asian hotties… For me though, it’s water water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.

However, on with the story. As you may already be aware, the groping of young women on trains has become quite a problem here in Japan, to the point where most railways now offer women only cars on their train lines. Most of the time, they are located at the head of the train, and usually only are in effect during the early morning commuting times of about 0600 - 0900 hrs.

I say usually, because as they say here in the Japanese expat community, “every situation is different”. Such is the way on the new Tsukuba express line from Akihabara to Tsukuba, which I rode recently around 2200 hrs at night. As per usual, it was going to be a long ride, so I walked myself to the end of the train, in order to avoid the crowds near the stairways on the platforms, so that I might find myself a seat for the 40 minute ride. No such luck, but I did find an empty space on the wall to lean against, near the doors. Everything is going well for about 20 minutes of the ride, when I notice a couple of ALSOK rent-a-cop security guards look into the car. Being the polite foreinger I am, I give them a small head bow, and they bow back, and then enter the car, standing in front of me, with their backs turned. The train starts moving again, and I expect them to start patroling the train from front to back, as is normally done, looking to examine tickets and whatnot. When they just stand there, I begin to wonder what is going on. Five minutes later, as the doors are closing from the next stop, I take my first good look around the car, and notice something odd.

There’s nobody on this car but women, the security guards, and me…

Then I notice for the first time, the pink signs in the car’s windows, “Women Only”…

Oh frack…

Finally, after another excruciating 3 minutes, we arrive at the next stop, and one of the guards motions to me to take off my headphones, leans in and says to me, “Uuiimohn Onurii”. It takes me a couple moments to process what the heck he is saying, but I’d already had the idea of the problem in my mind. These two gentlemen were only on that car to keep me from doing anything nasty, and to escort me out at the earliest opportunity. As I AM escorted from the car, and walk hurrily to the next, non-segregated car down the track, it dawns on me how lucky I was that I was not riding a JR or Tokyo Metro line that day. Rent-a-cops are nice as they can’t do anything to you except remove you from the premises. If I had been on the JR or Tokyo Metro, usually patrolled by actual police officers, I may have been writing this to you on a slice of bread in catsup from a holding cell. I don’t think the excuse “I don’t like Asian women” would have been believed, or well received there…