Author Archive for ihorner

UNIQLO UT Review

UniQloThere’s been a lot of buzz out on the interwebs and the blagoshpere lately about UNIQLO.  For those not already in the know, UNIQLO is a purveyor of inexpensive, high quality, conservative fashion here in Japan.  Recently they garnered attention in the US when it was announced that they would open a store in New York.  Most notably though, they are also well known for their stylish t-shirts, whose designs are cycled throughout the year.

The store itself has a wonderful style, consisting mainly of plain white surfaces mixed in with brushed metal.  It gives the impression of being inside Mac OS X.  In addition to the touch-screen catalogues on tables, there are these cool wall street style LED tickers that appear to be giving real time information about sales trends of certain types of t-shirts.  Along with that, are plasma displays showing these sales, and relationships to other shirts via a dynamic graphical hoo-ha of awesome.  it all adds up to a pretty nifty, and seemingly real-time experience. (Or something out of an Orwell novel, but that’s up to the reader to figure out.)

The pictures you often see of the UNIQLO UT, are of the vending machine like walls of tubes, and as a concept, this strikes me as “Pretty Damn Cool”™.  However, this effect of a multi story vending machine, is betrayed and, in my opinion, cheapened by what is not shown in the photos; the conventional clothing rack displaying the t-shirts themselves.

UNIQLO was so close to doing something new, interesting and different, and blew it in the execution.  Everything about this store, from the racks of tubes, to the flat panel displays about the racks and in the tables, to even the walls themselves scream “I am modern, I am new, I am not a clothing store”.  All that taken away by a rickety old rack in the middle of every aisle.  I can just imagine the board room scene where this decision was made.

New Findings Show Yellow Fever Inoculations Can Cause Lapses in Judgement

Women Only

As a foreigner living in Japan, one of my unfortunate plights is that before I came, I was inoculated against the Yellow Fever. No, not the real disease that will destroy your liver and kidneys, I’m talking about the Yellow Fever that drives you mad with attraction to Asian women (or men) simply due to their exotic nature. Yes, for some reason, I have no natural attraction to Asian women, and never have. This gave me a bit of a hard time during my initial run up to coming to Japan, as every uncouth male around me was mentioning how lucky I was going to be, surrounded by all the Asian hotties… For me though, it’s water water everywhere, but not a drop to drink.

However, on with the story. As you may already be aware, the groping of young women on trains has become quite a problem here in Japan, to the point where most railways now offer women only cars on their train lines. Most of the time, they are located at the head of the train, and usually only are in effect during the early morning commuting times of about 0600 - 0900 hrs.

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I am a Pasmo, and Proud of It

Pasmo

Let me give you a little bit of a background here. Back when I as in University, there was a meeting held, where we decided what direction to take our lexicon in. After many hours of hot debate, a consensus was reached on two new suffixes that could be added to almost any verb, thereby transforming them into a noun. “-xor” would be added to anything to make it good, see “l33t haxor”, or “delicious meatxor” for examples. “-mo” would be added to the end of any word, to signify displeasure, and a certain air of mental retardation, see “lame-mo” or “tard-mo”.

Well, it seems that Japan has once again chosen something from the west to latch on to. Enter the Pasmo! Pasmo, from what I can gather with my limited Japanese, is two things. First, it is a wonderful RFID based rail pass system, that can easily be recharged at any train station. However, unlike its brilliantly marketed cousin Suica, Pasmo not only works at JR stations, but also on the Tokyo Metro, Busses, and most notably to me, the Noda Tobu line and Tsukuba Express! It also appears that Pasmo, and Suica can be friends, but more on this later.
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Why I Hate Kanji

For those who aren’t already aware, Kanji is one of the three alphabets used here in Japan, along with hiragana ひらがな, and katakana カタカナ. Kanji are sometimes referred to as “Chinese Characters”, as they are borrowed straight out of written Chinese, though their pronunciation, and sometimes their meaning are very different.

So where do flowers = snow? Japan, that’s where.

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A Hanko Fairy Tale

Pedo Bear Seal of ApprovalThe idea of a Hanko, or personal stamp, will probably be fairly familiar to anyone who has lived in Japan.  Hanko are usually circular, or oval stamps, with the person’s name written in Kanji, and are the equivalent of a signature in western terms, on all sorts of legal documents.  When a foreigner comes to Japan, usually one of the first things they have done is have one made up, with their first or last name in katakana.  These days, they’re not asked for much, as the signature is making some major inroads, but every now and then, you’ll run into someone or some business that demands a hanko.

Like today…

Every now and then, as part of my job, we are required to receive packages for the company in our classrooms.  Usually, from the Kuro-Neko Takubin, or Black Cat Transport.  Today, the Black Cat showed up at my door with 6 packages, and six delivery slips to be signed.  I say signed because usually a signature will suffice for them as proof of delivery.  Not today, said the Black Cat, asking once again for my hanko.  After checking my bag, and finding my hanko not in it’s usual place, I was a little taken aback, not sure what to do.  Clearly this feline needed to drop the packages off as he was already unloading them into the classroom.  I told him that I had none, but he smiled, and said it was fine, motioning to a pile of novelty stamps reserved for stamping the student’s books for good work!

Taken further aback, I pick up my stamp of choice, featuring the internet famous “Kuma”, or more commonly known in America via 4chan, Pedo-Bear

I then proceed to stamp all six documents with said stamp.

I’ll say it again to let that sink in.  I stamped 6 legally binding delivery notification slips with the likeness of the mascot for lolita complexes.

I think I deserve an internet award or something.   I wonder if I can have that stamp registered to me on the Japanese name/hanko registry…

Densha & Denshant

Not the Train I Traveled OnSo you’re probably all familiar by now about the fact that most of transportation that goes on in Japan is done by an elaborate system of local trains. Unlike public transportation in North America, this is a finely tuned system, where everything works perfectly in sync with everything else; except when it doesn’t. This is a story of one of those times.

Normally when you board a train in winter, you can expect pretty normal operation. JR is failry adept at anticipating problems due to snow, and getting it off the tracks. Wind is rarely an issue until it gets into the heavy gale stage. And even with these possible problems, the most that can be expected is a slight to slightly longer delay. Electrical malfunction is another matter entirely.

I boarded a train to return home from my place of work today at about 2120 hrs. The trip usually takes about an hour and a half to complete. This time, about half way through the trip, I see something out the window that looks a lot like a flash of lighting, which is rather out of place for winter in Japan. A few moments later, there is another, accomanied by a sharp snapping sound. Then, another, and the lights of the train go out, as it begins to slow down, drifting (thankfully) into the next stop. We are told in Japanese over the intercom that the conductors are sorry for the inconvenince, and that we should be on our way shortly. The train waits in the station (with the lights still off) for a couple of minutes, then begins the process of what I can only assume is the “re-booting” of the train. More flashes, more sounds, and a sinking feeling begins to set in.

The JR personell are now running around the outside of the train, properly marked JR cell phones in hand. Then they enter the train, and beginning taking down the final destinations of the passengers on a pad of paper. This is univerally seen as a bad sign within Japanese rail travel. After another few minutes of the conductors running up and down the train counting the passengers, we are ushered out onto the cold platform, and into the smell of disturbingly strong ozone.

We are promptly apologized to, consisting in my limited Japanese of simply of, “blank blank blank moshiaku arimasen blank blank blank blank Nagaoka blank blank taxi”… It looks like we’re off the rails, and into cars, and I’ve only got the equivelent of $10 in my wallet.

Now here’s where it get’s interesting. Upon hearing this news, one of my fellow passengers takes issue with the conductors, and begins lecturing him very loudly while hitting him lightly on the abdomen and shoulder. The jist of which I made out to be “You’re JR for god’s sake, you should apologize more properly, what the hell are you doing?!” The passenger then proceeds to demonstrate how to properly apologize, bowing deeply, saluting, and removing a mock hat. Upon completing this, he hits the conductor again, and resumes the lecture. After a few minutes, the conductor decides he’s had enough, and reinacts the passengers apology, much to the delight of the onlooking crowd.

And at this moment, hurrah, the taxis have arrived! Another hour and a possible $50 later, I’m at the destination, and am told in broken English that the trip is on JR’s pocket! Hooray for government funded transport systems!

All in all, the trip took more than 3 times the length that it should have, but I’ve now experienced a rare failure of equipment in Japan’s rail system, AND two different levels of apology. I’m going to consider this venture a modest success.