Well, it’s finally happened. I’ve gone and Seen The Return of The king. I felt kind of funny watching it, because it made me think of the journey I’ve been through. When this trilogy first began, I was in a very different situation then I am now. And now, after having finished watching the film, I look back at the adventures of Frodo and his friends and realize that as their adventure comes to a close, mine is underway. I traveled thousands and miles, and changed my life completely. I’ve bid adieu to loved one, and have marched on the other things. I was thinking about what Frodo said at the end of the film. About how life had changed him so much that he could no longer get back to living life the way he used to. Some cuts never fully heal and some pain is just too deep (I can’t say I’ve really had a difficult life, so I can’t explain the reasons behind the pain, but it’s there.) I feel the same, and realized that with the extent of change, pain and life I’ve lived in the last few years, that I don’t think I can ever go back to living life the way I used to. I feel it’s sad in a way, but I guess it’s something that happens to you. I suppose at the end of my adventure, much like Frodo, I will board a boat to the west. I don’t know where that will take me, but I don’t know if it will be home. I shed a tear at the end of the film, because it finally signaled to me that one chapter of my life was over, and another underway. But for the first time in my life, I can’t see what the outcome will be, or hope to predict it. I may very well spend the rest of my life alone, doomed to wander the planet searching for answer I may never find. I can’t say. Though I feel that I can now deal with this instability. It is changing me, and the way I think. I can now spend long periods of time alone, and not be bothered by it. If I can only rid myself of the need for love and companionship, then I will truly be free of what is haunting me. The Lord of the Rings has taught me one important lesson though, and that is that the only thing I can decide is what to do with the time that is given to me. I’ve never looked back after hearing those words.
Other then all the reflection, the weekend went well. I saw the movie, play some video games, and met the man who used to do my job here. He was visiting from Canada and it was nice to meet someone who has done what I have. Though it’s late, and I am tired. I will speak more when strength has returned to me.
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